Welcome back Filterheads!!! WOOT WOOT! I AM CAPTURING MY EXTREME EXCITEMENT WITH THE "ALL CAPS!!!!" Actually, I am more cranky and pissed right now than excited, but I AM excited to tell you all about it! But, let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
<<<<<<<<<<< Rewind!<<<<<<<<<
Since you have heard from me last, I have been a busy woman. Eh-hem... seems I have also turned into Yoda... I am extremely short, and there ARE days when my hair kinda looks like his... At least it seems that way to me. Some days there just ain't enough hairspray in the world to fix it. Wait, where was I? OH, yeah I was about to tell you all about (FUCKING BOXELDER BUGS IN MY DAMN HOUSE!!!) my awesome life! Well let's see... Skydiving was fan-freaking-tastic! Read this article to understand just how awesome it was for me personally! Did you read it yet? Giggity-giggity, awl right! That's all I have to say about that! >>>click<<< Not to mention, the idea of a 180 lb dude strapped to my back only added to the freaky reaction, which I wish somebody would have warned me about in advance! I got to the ground and I was like, "Well... I'm not sure what to make of that experience. I just uh.... I think I was just violated... But I'm not sure." I sat in a chair and stared at the wall for a while. FRICKEN HILARIOUS!
Moving on------>>>>>>
You ever get the feeling that people feel threatened by your awesomeness? Well, that's okay. Not everyone is as cool as I am. But I seriously get the feeling that people who don't know me, don't want to let me in their circle of friends, cuz I would DOMINATE the shit out of that circle! I would march right in and be so cool everything else would start to look a little square! YEP!
I have been married for damn near 6 years now. That's right, 6 fuckin years of behaving myself, folks. Lemme tell you... when you are only 24 years old, that shit gets old! I want to make good decisions for my own sake, not because I have to, shit man! Marriage is rough. That's all I will say. Don't wanna get started on this line of thought, cuz I will most definitely start bashing my husband, and well... He don't always deserve it, but when he does, he gets it in da face! HAHA! I just fricken cracked myself up! See This! I know! You're welcome!
You know what else I recently saw that I LOVED?! THIS! If you knew me, you would most certainly understand... It's like a grammatical and a mathematical reference all in one!
All right, all right. Enough hopping around. But now you see what I do with my time! I know... it takes a lot of work and research to be as cool as I am. I would even call myself a hipster, but I hear (by popular opinion) this would no longer make me a hipster, so hipster. Oh I meant to write it like that.... Er, type, actually. If it doesn't make sense to you it is because you are not quite up to par with my level of magnificently clever wit. Keep reading, rookie...
I apologize if I seem a bit over-the-top on this one... Actually, NO I DON'T! If you don't like it, then FOOTBALL! Haha! Yeah... I maybe forgot my Adderall today. Just kidding, I don't take that shit! I just sit back and let nature take its course. Maybe I am a little high strung, SO WHAT?!!! I'ma come at you like a spider monkey CHIP! HAHA! IDFK, you guys. I stopped trying to understand the voices in my head long ago... I just type what they say. Just hang in there with me, and we will all survive.
A friend of mine told me a story that I was about to recount to you, but I realized it would not be quite as funny second hand, so nevermind. Haha! I got you all built up for a story there and then left you hangin'! I know, I know, whattabitch! But you know you love me anyway... must be my charm.
Well I think I have successfully wasted about 10-15 minutes of your time here, depending on which bus you rode... I KNOW, I am hilarious! You were just thinking that, too! I KNOW! I am also psychic.
*Disclaimer: some portions of this blog have been left intentionally vague because it's not all your fucking business, OKAY? haha, just kidding, but for real... I have to try to be a respectable member of society, with regard to my profession... (Not that profession, get your mind out of the gutter!) So just fill in the details yourself, and let me know how your version of events turns out!
Shout outs to: my cousin Trav for the football thing, and Ben, who told the story I decided not to share with you!
Stay tuned Filterheads!
A periodic dose of reassurance that you are not the only weirdo out there...
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Deviant Thoughts
Have you ever realized you've figured something out that you wish you hadn't? Like realizing your parents are still having sex, just not with each other...Well I never had that experience per se, but I have had similarly awkward awakenings of the mind. It's the kind of feeling you get when you take the time to make an awesome BLT; you fry up your bacon, (concentrate there is more to this analogy than just bacon!) you slice your juicy red tomato, pull off a couple leaves of lettuce, slather your toast with a generous amount of mayo... Then you admire your creation, and your mouth is watering. You take a large bite to fill your greedy mouth. Then it hits you like a garbage truck on your tastebuds: the mayo is rancid. And even after you spit it out and wash your mouth out with a gallon of Listerine, you still can't get the taste out. And even the next day, the disgusting taste lingers in your mouth like the sad memory of a love lost. You will never look at a BLT the same way. And to some extent, it has even ruined your taste for bacon! Yes folks, that is a sad sad day. We'll call it Sadder-day.
Have you ever had one of those dreams where you keep waking up inside your dream? You can't tell what is real, and stimuli from the environment works it's way into your dream, tricking you into believing you are awake when you're not. That is what I would imagine it would feel like to have dementia: to live in constant limbo between the real world and the fantasy world of our minds. But one could use this to ones advantage, if the confusion wasn't so frightening. I had a dream once where I was completely lucid and I was able to carry out tasks. Fleeting, though it was, and I never could get it to go "exactly" where I wanted it to (wink, wink). It was at work back when I worked in the factory, and it was just work related crap. I had to complete menial tasks and could never actually leave the environment. So I guess I wasn't fully in control. I got sick of being at work in my dreams, so I just woke myself up.
When I was about ten years old I stepped in a pile of cow shit, barefoot. I don't remember the circumstances of why I was barefoot in the pasture. But I do know the warm wet feeling gushing up between my toes sent me into shock. When I looked down at the dripping green doo-doo I started to bawl! Again, not sure why I had that reaction. It's just cow shit. It washes off! Yeah, that's a great story. I especially love it when good ol' Ma tells it to people... She has a special way of capturing my childhood angst the way only a mother could... Memories...
I have no idea what inspired me to share that with you, but I think it is fricken hilarious!
Have you ever had something amazing happen to you and you wanted to share it with someone but there is just no appropriate way to do so? It would be like if Lex Luthor died and Superman showed up at his funeral. No I am not a comic book junkie, so if this has happened, I apologize if my ignorance has offended those of you who are. Losers. J/k I think comics would be a bitchin hobby/interest. It would be the perfect amount of reading. Kind of like a magazine, except that comics don't attempt to present their stories as fact. And their stories would be infinitely more intersting than any article beginning with the phrase "10 ways..." My favorite list is this, "Top ten reasons I procrastinate. # 1: "
Have you ever tried hypnosis? It's pretty amazing, I must say. I never thought I would be singing its praises, but I think it works if you want it to. I don't know if it has any lasting effects, but it was pretty cool in the moment! I used to think it only worked on the weak minded, but now I think it works on people who are strong enough to let their minds submit to the suggestions of another. It's powerful stuff. I wonder if you can get addicted to it....
Gotta go! bye! haha! Just kidding.
I think it is infinitely more rewarding to write a passage that gets the same message across by leaving out details. If the reader can connect the dots on their own, it feels like you share a secret with them. It makes it more personal. Almost like a conversation. A private conversation. I only learned this after reading some material myself. If you know me at all, you know I hate reading! It makes me sleepy. But in an effort to better satisfy my own readers, I have been doing some research. Your welcome. I also choose my words carefully to craft passages that give the reader a desired effect. Now that I have shared that with you, you will no doubt analyze my word choice more carefully, won't you? Now you will be thinking, "Shit, she has been manipulating my brain this whole time! What the hell? I feel so violated!" Now, with each stroke of the key, I form the words you read, and you will be thinking, "What's that supposed to mean? What is she doing?" Feeling paranoid, yet?
See! That is hypnosis! Well, kind of. It's suggestive, yet soothing. Manipulative, yet ameliorating. It both excites you and relaxes you at the same time. Man, I love words!
Anyway, I have been thinking about starting up a second blog. This one was intended to be light-hearted and funny, but I have had the urge recently to share a different side. "The Dark Side," if you will. Let me know if you guys have any requests or ideas. What would you like to see more of? Let me know and I will base the next blog on your suggestions!
Stay tuned Filterheads!
Have you ever had one of those dreams where you keep waking up inside your dream? You can't tell what is real, and stimuli from the environment works it's way into your dream, tricking you into believing you are awake when you're not. That is what I would imagine it would feel like to have dementia: to live in constant limbo between the real world and the fantasy world of our minds. But one could use this to ones advantage, if the confusion wasn't so frightening. I had a dream once where I was completely lucid and I was able to carry out tasks. Fleeting, though it was, and I never could get it to go "exactly" where I wanted it to (wink, wink). It was at work back when I worked in the factory, and it was just work related crap. I had to complete menial tasks and could never actually leave the environment. So I guess I wasn't fully in control. I got sick of being at work in my dreams, so I just woke myself up.
When I was about ten years old I stepped in a pile of cow shit, barefoot. I don't remember the circumstances of why I was barefoot in the pasture. But I do know the warm wet feeling gushing up between my toes sent me into shock. When I looked down at the dripping green doo-doo I started to bawl! Again, not sure why I had that reaction. It's just cow shit. It washes off! Yeah, that's a great story. I especially love it when good ol' Ma tells it to people... She has a special way of capturing my childhood angst the way only a mother could... Memories...
I have no idea what inspired me to share that with you, but I think it is fricken hilarious!
Have you ever had something amazing happen to you and you wanted to share it with someone but there is just no appropriate way to do so? It would be like if Lex Luthor died and Superman showed up at his funeral. No I am not a comic book junkie, so if this has happened, I apologize if my ignorance has offended those of you who are. Losers. J/k I think comics would be a bitchin hobby/interest. It would be the perfect amount of reading. Kind of like a magazine, except that comics don't attempt to present their stories as fact. And their stories would be infinitely more intersting than any article beginning with the phrase "10 ways..." My favorite list is this, "Top ten reasons I procrastinate. # 1: "
Have you ever tried hypnosis? It's pretty amazing, I must say. I never thought I would be singing its praises, but I think it works if you want it to. I don't know if it has any lasting effects, but it was pretty cool in the moment! I used to think it only worked on the weak minded, but now I think it works on people who are strong enough to let their minds submit to the suggestions of another. It's powerful stuff. I wonder if you can get addicted to it....
Gotta go! bye! haha! Just kidding.
I think it is infinitely more rewarding to write a passage that gets the same message across by leaving out details. If the reader can connect the dots on their own, it feels like you share a secret with them. It makes it more personal. Almost like a conversation. A private conversation. I only learned this after reading some material myself. If you know me at all, you know I hate reading! It makes me sleepy. But in an effort to better satisfy my own readers, I have been doing some research. Your welcome. I also choose my words carefully to craft passages that give the reader a desired effect. Now that I have shared that with you, you will no doubt analyze my word choice more carefully, won't you? Now you will be thinking, "Shit, she has been manipulating my brain this whole time! What the hell? I feel so violated!" Now, with each stroke of the key, I form the words you read, and you will be thinking, "What's that supposed to mean? What is she doing?" Feeling paranoid, yet?
See! That is hypnosis! Well, kind of. It's suggestive, yet soothing. Manipulative, yet ameliorating. It both excites you and relaxes you at the same time. Man, I love words!
Anyway, I have been thinking about starting up a second blog. This one was intended to be light-hearted and funny, but I have had the urge recently to share a different side. "The Dark Side," if you will. Let me know if you guys have any requests or ideas. What would you like to see more of? Let me know and I will base the next blog on your suggestions!
Stay tuned Filterheads!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Thought Toilet
it really makes me question the reliability of a network news station when they quote popular tabloids like TMZ and the Enquirer as their main source of information on a given topic, actually it makes me question the relevance of a news station that reports on celebrities... really? we don't have more important things to hear about than the Tom-Kat divorce? If you're going to be a tabloid, call yourself a fucking tabloid, not the news. And when did the news go from simply reporting the facts to sharing everyone's opinion on the possible outcomes of a given event? I don't give a crap what you think this means for our nation, regardless of what kind of an expert you claim to be, seriously*.
*Unless you are Stephen Colbert.
It's like that South Park episode that rips on the History channel. Click here for the South Park History Channel Thanksgiving Trailer. If you've seen it, then you know what I mean. It's just a satire about how the History channel has bogus shows like Ancient Aliens that really have absolutely nothing to do with history. I feel like news media conglomerates run stories that have absolutely nothing to do with relevant news. And yes, I did feel the need to connect the dots for you because I think a lot of people out there don't understand this concept. If they did, they would quit watching network news, and then those asshole posers who call themselves journalists would actually have to start doing their jobs the right way, which involves investigation, fact checking, and reporting said facts, rather than simply repeating what they heard on TM fucking Z! GALL! (Spoken in true Napoleon Dynamite fashion.)
But enough of that tirade, I'm getting high blood pressure. This blog is actually out of order because I started it a while ago, then thought I lost it, but then I found it again and decided to finish it. Kinda like Liza Minelli's career! Wow. I just made myself seem way older than I actually am. Which is actually a nice change of pace, considering my usual immaturity.
I just read that last paragraph... haha! "This blog is out of order!" Wow. Kinda paints a picture. This blog is kind of like a toilet for my thoughts. And I got nothin'. Sorry, but that last visual of the thought toilet just did me in.
Stay tuned, Filter-heads!
*Unless you are Stephen Colbert.
It's like that South Park episode that rips on the History channel. Click here for the South Park History Channel Thanksgiving Trailer. If you've seen it, then you know what I mean. It's just a satire about how the History channel has bogus shows like Ancient Aliens that really have absolutely nothing to do with history. I feel like news media conglomerates run stories that have absolutely nothing to do with relevant news. And yes, I did feel the need to connect the dots for you because I think a lot of people out there don't understand this concept. If they did, they would quit watching network news, and then those asshole posers who call themselves journalists would actually have to start doing their jobs the right way, which involves investigation, fact checking, and reporting said facts, rather than simply repeating what they heard on TM fucking Z! GALL! (Spoken in true Napoleon Dynamite fashion.)
But enough of that tirade, I'm getting high blood pressure. This blog is actually out of order because I started it a while ago, then thought I lost it, but then I found it again and decided to finish it. Kinda like Liza Minelli's career! Wow. I just made myself seem way older than I actually am. Which is actually a nice change of pace, considering my usual immaturity.
I just read that last paragraph... haha! "This blog is out of order!" Wow. Kinda paints a picture. This blog is kind of like a toilet for my thoughts. And I got nothin'. Sorry, but that last visual of the thought toilet just did me in.
Stay tuned, Filter-heads!
Well I am a taurus, no wonder I'm such a bullshitter!
Holy shit, you guys! I just read my last blog... what a downer! Maybe I should refrain from writing when I'm pissed off. I mean, it is an interesting insight into my psyche, but it does not make for very enjoyable reading! And speaking of deadlines (as I did in my last post), I just missed another one. This one was for a job opportunity. AND I have just been notified that I have been placed on academic probation. WTF? I think it's time to quit my job, get out of the rat-race of modern society, and just become famous already. I mean it! I really should just stop pursuing nursing as a career altogether and put my talents to work. I just wrote two kick ass songs in the last 24 hours, so yeah, pretty sure I am the next big thing. Watch out, Katy Perry! You're not the only good girl gone mainstream! Booya!
Meanwhile... on planet Earth!... I have had shitloads of company over the last few days, and I have to say, I kinda like it! I mean seriously, what better way to keep your house clean than having 24 hour surveillance of it by outsiders?! Plus, I actually enjoy being hospitable to others. I know, weird, right? I never would have guessed that about myself. Also, over the last few days I have taken a vast interest in my own friends! Holy shit people, I think I am becoming a good person or something! And everything around me just seems to look... less shitty. Haha, I just had a thought... I wonder.... If I keep blogging over a period of time, if you guys could figure out what time of the month it is just by reading my material! haha! I think all women are bi-polar. I think we were just made that way. Am I making anyone uncomfortable yet?
A friend of mine recently told me that his girlfriend is psycho. He said she tried to explain to him the reason why she is the way she is. I say, if you have enough insight to figure out what it is that has messed you up, then it is time to stop using it as an excuse to continue to act like a crazy person. Just wanted to add a little pop psychology in there, for ya.
I also say, if you're a big person, you should wear big-people clothes; and if you're a little person, you should wear little-people clothes. That one just seems like a no-brainer to me, yet whenever I go out in public, I see people who get the equation wrong for some reason. You know what I mean, "There's not enough pants where there should be. More pants." Yes, audience, that is a Superbad reference! "Yeah, cuz the chicks go crazy for that male camel toe." "It's like a division sign." Haha, hilarious!
I am going to make this one short because I really don't have any more good material. Yes, people, you only get the best of me here, so don't start getting all obsessed over me, I'm really not this witty, intelligent, and hilarious all the time... WAIT, yes I AM! haha... But seriously, I care so much that I would rather just cut you off than to continue to lengthen this blog with fluff. "Fluff," is the directionless ramble of an entertainer with no material, and I swear, guys, I would never do that to you! I hate it when entertainers do that, because you feel like they are only giving you half their effort. And people who take time out of their days to support their favorite entertainers don't deserve to get fluffed on! Haha! I just fluffed on you! : ) Whatchya gon' do about it, chump? Nothin'. That's right. Wow. I am such a bullshitter. HILARIOUS! Spell check points out words like haha and no-brainer but does not highlight bullshitter! That just made my day! I think I will end on this classy high-note!
Take care, and stay tuned, kids!
Meanwhile... on planet Earth!... I have had shitloads of company over the last few days, and I have to say, I kinda like it! I mean seriously, what better way to keep your house clean than having 24 hour surveillance of it by outsiders?! Plus, I actually enjoy being hospitable to others. I know, weird, right? I never would have guessed that about myself. Also, over the last few days I have taken a vast interest in my own friends! Holy shit people, I think I am becoming a good person or something! And everything around me just seems to look... less shitty. Haha, I just had a thought... I wonder.... If I keep blogging over a period of time, if you guys could figure out what time of the month it is just by reading my material! haha! I think all women are bi-polar. I think we were just made that way. Am I making anyone uncomfortable yet?
A friend of mine recently told me that his girlfriend is psycho. He said she tried to explain to him the reason why she is the way she is. I say, if you have enough insight to figure out what it is that has messed you up, then it is time to stop using it as an excuse to continue to act like a crazy person. Just wanted to add a little pop psychology in there, for ya.
I also say, if you're a big person, you should wear big-people clothes; and if you're a little person, you should wear little-people clothes. That one just seems like a no-brainer to me, yet whenever I go out in public, I see people who get the equation wrong for some reason. You know what I mean, "There's not enough pants where there should be. More pants." Yes, audience, that is a Superbad reference! "Yeah, cuz the chicks go crazy for that male camel toe." "It's like a division sign." Haha, hilarious!
I am going to make this one short because I really don't have any more good material. Yes, people, you only get the best of me here, so don't start getting all obsessed over me, I'm really not this witty, intelligent, and hilarious all the time... WAIT, yes I AM! haha... But seriously, I care so much that I would rather just cut you off than to continue to lengthen this blog with fluff. "Fluff," is the directionless ramble of an entertainer with no material, and I swear, guys, I would never do that to you! I hate it when entertainers do that, because you feel like they are only giving you half their effort. And people who take time out of their days to support their favorite entertainers don't deserve to get fluffed on! Haha! I just fluffed on you! : ) Whatchya gon' do about it, chump? Nothin'. That's right. Wow. I am such a bullshitter. HILARIOUS! Spell check points out words like haha and no-brainer but does not highlight bullshitter! That just made my day! I think I will end on this classy high-note!
Take care, and stay tuned, kids!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
I used to hate apathy, but now I don't care either way.
There is an epic battle between good and evil ensuing within me right now. I'm going to be brazenly honest: Life is sometimes just a piece of shit. I never wanted to become a cynic, but it's true. At the risk of sounding a bit misanthropic and morose, I maintain my position on the fact that people suck. And they continue to prove it to me every single day. Maybe it's not even the people around me; maybe it's just me. I don't know, but I do know that there is some kind of force, some unknown entity, who keeps reminding me of everything I have ever done wrong and all the times I have failed. He keeps telling me I'm just a piece of shit. Now, my friends at church would tell me this is Satan, the ultimate evil entity, and I prefer to agree with them because if this is simply my own voice pointing this shit out to me, then I would have to admit, I kind of hate myself. Which would be grossly moronic considering the infinite capacity of my awesomeness. Just sayin'.
*Disclaimer- this next passage will probably be offensive to many. Continue reading at your own discretion.
I don't believe that depression is a legitimate illness. Some may say, "Kendra! How can you say this? You are a nurse!" Well I say, "Shut up! Just because I have an education, doesn't mean that I don't know how to think for myself! Now BE GONE!" I don't know... that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, but moving on. I honestly believe that depression is just really really severe self-pity. I think people should really just learn how to ignore their problems and continue on with life. Seriously. You'd be surprised how many times your problems actually DO go away when you ignore them. Oh, you say you're unhappy? Join the fucking club, now get back to your station and shake those fries you minimum wage imbecile. Maybe you should've paid more attention in Economics! But I'm not saying it's just poor people who are douche-bags. Oh no, make no mistake, douchey-ness crosses all classes of society. Ah-hem... Real Housewives? More like Real Bitches with fake body parts. People just need to stop being so concerned about themselves. So you feel like you got a raw deal, huh? How about starting with some gratitude for the fact that you are even alive. Next start feeling grateful that you have a job, if you have one. If you don't have a job, be thankful for employment agencies, I don't know, just quit complaining about shit. I realize as I state this, I myself, am complaining. Ironic. Maybe it makes me feel better about myself to point out that other people suck worse than I do. YEP!
Man, writing is so cathartic. It's not that I even expect anyone to agree, or even read my material. It just feels good to put it out there. Now I remember why I kept a journal as a child. Ha ha... I kept a journal as a child... what a grammatical faux-pas... I am picturing myself bundling up my little baby journal and keeping it as my child! Wow, I really should have majored in English. But seriously, I am considering a career in freelance writing. Just because the hours would be great. Of course, if I ever had to meet a deadline, I would soon find myself unemployed. Here's the conundrum: I hate being supervised or being told what to do or when to do it, but I am not what most would consider a "self-starter." Oh yeah, heard that from my boss when I was 14. Boy, if he could only see me now! Actually he couldn't see me now. He had macular degeneration and went blind. Sad, really.. Wow. I am kind of dark. Which is also how I was described at one point in my life... by my high school guidance counselor. Actually his word was "Morbid."He found it rather disconcerting that I carried a journal shaped like a casket... What? The Nightmare Before Christmas was huge that year... Also my sister had just passed away. I know... what a coincidence.
I am beginning to think that some of what I was told as a "youngster" has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think I would have had a better chance of becoming productive, self motivated.... happy, if some of these things weren't said to me at such a young age. Or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe, as much as I try to distance myself from my own techno-generation, maybe I am just as much a product of it as any of my peers. Maybe I am just another member of the "Entitlement Era."
All that being said, I will close with, "Fuck it, clean it up tomorrow."
Stay tuned...
*Disclaimer- this next passage will probably be offensive to many. Continue reading at your own discretion.
I don't believe that depression is a legitimate illness. Some may say, "Kendra! How can you say this? You are a nurse!" Well I say, "Shut up! Just because I have an education, doesn't mean that I don't know how to think for myself! Now BE GONE!" I don't know... that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, but moving on. I honestly believe that depression is just really really severe self-pity. I think people should really just learn how to ignore their problems and continue on with life. Seriously. You'd be surprised how many times your problems actually DO go away when you ignore them. Oh, you say you're unhappy? Join the fucking club, now get back to your station and shake those fries you minimum wage imbecile. Maybe you should've paid more attention in Economics! But I'm not saying it's just poor people who are douche-bags. Oh no, make no mistake, douchey-ness crosses all classes of society. Ah-hem... Real Housewives? More like Real Bitches with fake body parts. People just need to stop being so concerned about themselves. So you feel like you got a raw deal, huh? How about starting with some gratitude for the fact that you are even alive. Next start feeling grateful that you have a job, if you have one. If you don't have a job, be thankful for employment agencies, I don't know, just quit complaining about shit. I realize as I state this, I myself, am complaining. Ironic. Maybe it makes me feel better about myself to point out that other people suck worse than I do. YEP!
Man, writing is so cathartic. It's not that I even expect anyone to agree, or even read my material. It just feels good to put it out there. Now I remember why I kept a journal as a child. Ha ha... I kept a journal as a child... what a grammatical faux-pas... I am picturing myself bundling up my little baby journal and keeping it as my child! Wow, I really should have majored in English. But seriously, I am considering a career in freelance writing. Just because the hours would be great. Of course, if I ever had to meet a deadline, I would soon find myself unemployed. Here's the conundrum: I hate being supervised or being told what to do or when to do it, but I am not what most would consider a "self-starter." Oh yeah, heard that from my boss when I was 14. Boy, if he could only see me now! Actually he couldn't see me now. He had macular degeneration and went blind. Sad, really.. Wow. I am kind of dark. Which is also how I was described at one point in my life... by my high school guidance counselor. Actually his word was "Morbid."He found it rather disconcerting that I carried a journal shaped like a casket... What? The Nightmare Before Christmas was huge that year... Also my sister had just passed away. I know... what a coincidence.
I am beginning to think that some of what I was told as a "youngster" has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think I would have had a better chance of becoming productive, self motivated.... happy, if some of these things weren't said to me at such a young age. Or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe, as much as I try to distance myself from my own techno-generation, maybe I am just as much a product of it as any of my peers. Maybe I am just another member of the "Entitlement Era."
All that being said, I will close with, "Fuck it, clean it up tomorrow."
Stay tuned...
Friday, May 25, 2012
"I am the terror that flaps in the night..." Let's get dangerous!
That's Darkwing Duck... in case you were wondering... I miss the cartoons of my childhood...
Sometimes I say things just to be a jerk. Because it's hilarious, to me. For instance, if someone tells me they graduated in the year I was born, I will say, "1988?! Wow! You graduated in 1988, huh? What a coincidence, I was born in 1988!" Burn, now you feel old! Or if someone says, "Ugh, I hate mornings... COFFEE!!" I will say, "Oh, I am such a morning person. I just wake up happy all the time. I'm really at my best when I get up at around 4 AM." Ha haaa... Yeah, my chronological age may be 24, but inside I am still a child! "Na-na-na-boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo, I'm better than yo-ou!"
You know that moment when you are teasing an acquaintance and you suddenly realize you have crossed a line? You know the moment... Either they drop their jaw in shock, or shut their mouths and walk away, thus ending the conversation. Sheesh, somebody's a little sensitive today... Oh no you didn't! Yes, yes I did.
I hate it when people start out their facebook statuses with, "I love it when..." when really they mean it's annoying. I read one that said, "I love it when people talk shit about others on facebook, but don't have the balls to call them out by name.. You know who you are..." Really? REALLY? I LOVE IT when teenagers are so lame they have to validate themselves by talking all big on facebook, while simultaneously making themselves look like idiots! GET A JOB! Or a hobby, but seriously... stop clogging up my updates with your self-induced drama. The disappointing fact is that it's not just teenagers who do this... I prefer to make people feel bad about themselves by simply bragging about myself... It's the more mature method.
I work a lot. It's not that I work a lot of hours; it's just that I do a LOT of shit while I'm there. By the time my day is over, I feel like I have been there for at least three days. Because, let's face it, nowhere else would I even attempt to cram that many tasks into that amount of time. I wouldn't wake up in the morning on my day off and say, "Hmm... I wonder if I could scrape and paint my entire house today... and then do my neighbor's house, too! And maybe I will take one quick 5 minute break to empty my ever-expanding bladder." That is what it feels like to be a nurse. Except, instead of trying to get one large task done in a day, I have to get at least a quadrillion* things done in one day while simultaneously meeting the insatiable needs of my patients... all 25 of them. Yeah. It's not that I don't love my job, it's just that some days I would really like to be able to tell someone, "I don't care! Go AWAY!" And I'm not kidding, I literally have 25 people to take care of daily. I cannot get a single thing done in a day without getting interrupted by somebody's "needs." But in all earnest, I really do love my job. It's takes a special kind of crazy to enjoy the work I do, but I think I am qualified in that department!
*Actual number of tasks... f'real.
All seriousness aside, I love having dogs. As I was putting them to bed tonight I thought, Damn, I wonder if I would be able to train my future children this well... All I do is say, "Bedtime!" and they literally race to the kennel. The kids wouldn't have to race to the kennel, though.
I'm very intrigued by alliteration. Perhaps that is why I so deeply enjoyed the movie "V" for Vendetta... It's either that or that sexy mask... For V's opening monologue click here. I was considering translating the speech on my own, but then I realized... I have the internet, and, pretty sure someone else has probably already done it! And unlike 4th grade social studies... you can't give me an F for copying it off the internet! Yes, it's true... intelligent by birth... lazy by choice... I'm just too smart to waste my time doing things that have already been done adequately enough by others, okay Mr. Trutna? And I adopted that world-view at 9 years old... I know, impressive. The history of the state of Nevada wasn't exactly a life-changer anyway. "The rate of traffic fatalities is higher than in most states (17.3 per 100,000), as is the percentage of traffic fatalities that are alcohol-related (43.0 percent)..."* "Nevada is the only U.S. state to allow some legal prostitution , in the form of regulated brothels..." And, no, I will not site my sources because apparently, according to YOU, Wikipedia is not a scholarly source, so evidently absolutely everything that's published on said site is absolute fiction... Meanwhile, you read your horoscope every morning, and adjust your daily plans accordingly.
*Note to self: don't live in Nevada, ever. It's just not safe.
The first time I ever heard a Weird Al song, I was hooked. Now I find it nearly impossible to recite the original lyrics to any song he has ever parodized. Yes, it's a word. (It's actually not. I just couldn't find a better way to put it.) My all-time favorite Weird Al song has got to be "Amish Paradise." Not based on content, but rather based on the fact that Coolio got so pissed when it became a bigger hit than his original "Gangsta's Paradise." When I saw this picture, I immediately imagined him saying, "I keep hearing it! Dammit! Get out of my ears, Weird Al! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Well folks, I'm going to have to wrap it up and bid you all adieu... Wow! I just impressed myself by spelling that right on my first attempt. Yeah, I'm worldly...
Fun Fact: A Wild Hare,originally released on July 27, 1940, is considered by many film historians to be the first "official" Bugs Bunny cartoon.
Sometimes I say things just to be a jerk. Because it's hilarious, to me. For instance, if someone tells me they graduated in the year I was born, I will say, "1988?! Wow! You graduated in 1988, huh? What a coincidence, I was born in 1988!" Burn, now you feel old! Or if someone says, "Ugh, I hate mornings... COFFEE!!" I will say, "Oh, I am such a morning person. I just wake up happy all the time. I'm really at my best when I get up at around 4 AM." Ha haaa... Yeah, my chronological age may be 24, but inside I am still a child! "Na-na-na-boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo, I'm better than yo-ou!"
You know that moment when you are teasing an acquaintance and you suddenly realize you have crossed a line? You know the moment... Either they drop their jaw in shock, or shut their mouths and walk away, thus ending the conversation. Sheesh, somebody's a little sensitive today... Oh no you didn't! Yes, yes I did.
I hate it when people start out their facebook statuses with, "I love it when..." when really they mean it's annoying. I read one that said, "I love it when people talk shit about others on facebook, but don't have the balls to call them out by name.. You know who you are..." Really? REALLY? I LOVE IT when teenagers are so lame they have to validate themselves by talking all big on facebook, while simultaneously making themselves look like idiots! GET A JOB! Or a hobby, but seriously... stop clogging up my updates with your self-induced drama. The disappointing fact is that it's not just teenagers who do this... I prefer to make people feel bad about themselves by simply bragging about myself... It's the more mature method.
I work a lot. It's not that I work a lot of hours; it's just that I do a LOT of shit while I'm there. By the time my day is over, I feel like I have been there for at least three days. Because, let's face it, nowhere else would I even attempt to cram that many tasks into that amount of time. I wouldn't wake up in the morning on my day off and say, "Hmm... I wonder if I could scrape and paint my entire house today... and then do my neighbor's house, too! And maybe I will take one quick 5 minute break to empty my ever-expanding bladder." That is what it feels like to be a nurse. Except, instead of trying to get one large task done in a day, I have to get at least a quadrillion* things done in one day while simultaneously meeting the insatiable needs of my patients... all 25 of them. Yeah. It's not that I don't love my job, it's just that some days I would really like to be able to tell someone, "I don't care! Go AWAY!" And I'm not kidding, I literally have 25 people to take care of daily. I cannot get a single thing done in a day without getting interrupted by somebody's "needs." But in all earnest, I really do love my job. It's takes a special kind of crazy to enjoy the work I do, but I think I am qualified in that department!
*Actual number of tasks... f'real.
All seriousness aside, I love having dogs. As I was putting them to bed tonight I thought, Damn, I wonder if I would be able to train my future children this well... All I do is say, "Bedtime!" and they literally race to the kennel. The kids wouldn't have to race to the kennel, though.
I'm very intrigued by alliteration. Perhaps that is why I so deeply enjoyed the movie "V" for Vendetta... It's either that or that sexy mask... For V's opening monologue click here. I was considering translating the speech on my own, but then I realized... I have the internet, and, pretty sure someone else has probably already done it! And unlike 4th grade social studies... you can't give me an F for copying it off the internet! Yes, it's true... intelligent by birth... lazy by choice... I'm just too smart to waste my time doing things that have already been done adequately enough by others, okay Mr. Trutna? And I adopted that world-view at 9 years old... I know, impressive. The history of the state of Nevada wasn't exactly a life-changer anyway. "The rate of traffic fatalities is higher than in most states (17.3 per 100,000), as is the percentage of traffic fatalities that are alcohol-related (43.0 percent)..."* "Nevada is the only U.S. state to allow some legal prostitution , in the form of regulated brothels..." And, no, I will not site my sources because apparently, according to YOU, Wikipedia is not a scholarly source, so evidently absolutely everything that's published on said site is absolute fiction... Meanwhile, you read your horoscope every morning, and adjust your daily plans accordingly.
*Note to self: don't live in Nevada, ever. It's just not safe.
The first time I ever heard a Weird Al song, I was hooked. Now I find it nearly impossible to recite the original lyrics to any song he has ever parodized. Yes, it's a word. (It's actually not. I just couldn't find a better way to put it.) My all-time favorite Weird Al song has got to be "Amish Paradise." Not based on content, but rather based on the fact that Coolio got so pissed when it became a bigger hit than his original "Gangsta's Paradise." When I saw this picture, I immediately imagined him saying, "I keep hearing it! Dammit! Get out of my ears, Weird Al! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Well folks, I'm going to have to wrap it up and bid you all adieu... Wow! I just impressed myself by spelling that right on my first attempt. Yeah, I'm worldly...
Fun Fact: A Wild Hare,originally released on July 27, 1940, is considered by many film historians to be the first "official" Bugs Bunny cartoon.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I'm not hanging noodles on your ears... but if I was, they would be Ramen noodles, because I'm cheap
I am by far the least graceful person I know. Click here for an example. This is also an example of me (minus the beard and man-berries). Let me give you a brief run-down of my shameful run-ins with the ground:
Age 7: Christmas, playing with slinky on stairs, nearly sliced my pinky toe off on a long piece of scrap aluminum that was sitting on the stairs... lots of blood. (Why there was scrap aluminum on the staircase, I will never understand. Santa probably set me up! That jolly bastard!)
Age 12: slipped on ice in front of school bus, shattered tailbone, ouch! (Embarassing donut cushion with me in all my classes for months, priceless!)
Age 13: Tripped in basketball while attempting a rebound... nobody was even near me, Obliterated my ACL so badly the doctor said, "Are you sure you weren't impacted by another player?" No, doc... this one was ALL ME!
Still age 13: Fell down a flight of marble stairs secondary to my snapped ACL... bloody shins, much? Oh, yeah... again... no one around.
Age 14: Tripped in flag football, broken pinky.. this time I was pushed.
Age 15: Working at McDonald's, slipped on grease, broken wrist.
Age 20: Bought our first house, fell down both flights of stairs, broke both banisters... on the day we moved in!
Age 22: Fell down same stairs, broke banister again, this time carrying a flaming hot cup o' noodles and a Dr. Pepper... FML!
Now where was I going with all of this? Oh yeah, why the hell would anyone ask me to join any type of sport whatsoever with them? I am a danger to myself and others! But how dangerous could sand volleyball really be anyway? Right? Right? I'll just stretch a bit first, and I'll be fine... Even I'm laughing at that one. I'm a disaster! I have heard that the greatest predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and apparently I cannot get my limbs to behave appropriately. OH yeah... most recent injury... pulled a hammy while picking up laundry off the floor... I'm screwed.
Speaking of disasters, you ever see those celebrity tabloids... "Stars Without Their Makeup"? Yeah, that's how I look in the morning, too. And so does everyone else, Don't Judge Me! But, a few pounds of make up and a few hours later, well, see for yourself here! Ha, haaa... but seriously. Sing it with me now, "We're all all right, We're all all right!"
Imagine how confused the networks would be if everyone turned off their TV's just moments before the conclusion of a season finale... I would love to arrange that protest... "We are going to watch your show, all right, all except for the last 10 minutes! HA! Take that!" What? Yes, I would love to leave a legacy of confusion behind... I think I am well on my way.
You know what I hate? People who make excuses... The moment you think you nailed them for something really good, they just come up with shit out of the blue that makes decent enough sense to make you leave them alone. I am so freakin' jealous! I do not possess this quality. Whenever I am backed into a corner I usually just say, "Oh, yeah, I guess you're right... Maybe it was my fault that the molten hot Banquet dinner in your hand spilled all over my lap. I guess shouldn't have been sitting in that chair while you were trying to walk by..." Yes folks, that was a metaphor for a workplace annoyance that had nothing to do with Banquet dinners and everything to do with "that guy" who does shit like that all the time.
Ah, but whatchya gon' do? Hata's gon' hate. And I do mean that in the most annoying white-girl voice you could possibly imagine... EVA!
Fun Fact: McDonald’s in Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands & Burger King in Hawaii sell SPAM on their menus. SPAM!
Stay tuned kiddos...
Age 7: Christmas, playing with slinky on stairs, nearly sliced my pinky toe off on a long piece of scrap aluminum that was sitting on the stairs... lots of blood. (Why there was scrap aluminum on the staircase, I will never understand. Santa probably set me up! That jolly bastard!)
Age 12: slipped on ice in front of school bus, shattered tailbone, ouch! (Embarassing donut cushion with me in all my classes for months, priceless!)
Age 13: Tripped in basketball while attempting a rebound... nobody was even near me, Obliterated my ACL so badly the doctor said, "Are you sure you weren't impacted by another player?" No, doc... this one was ALL ME!
Still age 13: Fell down a flight of marble stairs secondary to my snapped ACL... bloody shins, much? Oh, yeah... again... no one around.
Age 14: Tripped in flag football, broken pinky.. this time I was pushed.
Age 15: Working at McDonald's, slipped on grease, broken wrist.
Age 20: Bought our first house, fell down both flights of stairs, broke both banisters... on the day we moved in!
Age 22: Fell down same stairs, broke banister again, this time carrying a flaming hot cup o' noodles and a Dr. Pepper... FML!
Now where was I going with all of this? Oh yeah, why the hell would anyone ask me to join any type of sport whatsoever with them? I am a danger to myself and others! But how dangerous could sand volleyball really be anyway? Right? Right? I'll just stretch a bit first, and I'll be fine... Even I'm laughing at that one. I'm a disaster! I have heard that the greatest predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and apparently I cannot get my limbs to behave appropriately. OH yeah... most recent injury... pulled a hammy while picking up laundry off the floor... I'm screwed.
Speaking of disasters, you ever see those celebrity tabloids... "Stars Without Their Makeup"? Yeah, that's how I look in the morning, too. And so does everyone else, Don't Judge Me! But, a few pounds of make up and a few hours later, well, see for yourself here! Ha, haaa... but seriously. Sing it with me now, "We're all all right, We're all all right!"
Imagine how confused the networks would be if everyone turned off their TV's just moments before the conclusion of a season finale... I would love to arrange that protest... "We are going to watch your show, all right, all except for the last 10 minutes! HA! Take that!" What? Yes, I would love to leave a legacy of confusion behind... I think I am well on my way.
You know what I hate? People who make excuses... The moment you think you nailed them for something really good, they just come up with shit out of the blue that makes decent enough sense to make you leave them alone. I am so freakin' jealous! I do not possess this quality. Whenever I am backed into a corner I usually just say, "Oh, yeah, I guess you're right... Maybe it was my fault that the molten hot Banquet dinner in your hand spilled all over my lap. I guess shouldn't have been sitting in that chair while you were trying to walk by..." Yes folks, that was a metaphor for a workplace annoyance that had nothing to do with Banquet dinners and everything to do with "that guy" who does shit like that all the time.
Ah, but whatchya gon' do? Hata's gon' hate. And I do mean that in the most annoying white-girl voice you could possibly imagine... EVA!
Fun Fact: McDonald’s in Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands & Burger King in Hawaii sell SPAM on their menus. SPAM!
Stay tuned kiddos...
Friday, May 18, 2012
If you can't say something nice... Repeat after me!
Question: Would it be terribly rude of me to say, "Hey you. I don't know your name, but (insert random information here)."? Is it really that imperative that I know your name before offering you a piece of information? Even if I took the time to ask you your name before telling you something, I probably wouldn't remember it for very long, so it would just be another annoying waste of my time. Because, let's face it, what I have to say is far more important than your name anyway. Just sayin'...
I have a strange dislike for androgynous looking people. Or androgynous sounding people. Whether it's a cashier at Wal*Mart or a telemarketer on the phone, I have this innate desire to know the gender of the person with whom I am speaking. You know what it's like, when you see one of them from a distance or just catch a quick glance, and you're like, "Was that a... or a....??? Hmmm..." It's bad enough when you can't tell from a distance, but when they are right in front of you and you're still confused??? What the hell people? Either wear some make-up or don't... gender appropriately, please.
On a tangent... where the hell else did I think a telemarketer would be? Or a cashier for that matter... Isn't Wal*Mart pretty much the only store left anymore... Oh, no, my bad... Wal*Mart doesn't have cashiers anymore... they have those new, lazy-ass, check yourself out "attendants"... One person to 5 registers??? It might not be so bad if most of the people who use those self-checkout lanes had at least a brain cell to spare among them... It's not that hard people. Really. Just do what the little person in the screen tells you to do. I personally prefer the traditional lanes. What? Ring up my own items? Bitch, that's your job!
My keyboard just died! It's okay folks; I revived it. Maybe it didn't like what I had to say about Wal*Mart. What if walmart secretly controls the world? Interestingly enough, I just misspelled world as word. Now walmart is trying to take away my right to free speech by controlling my words! Those assholes! Just kidding, I don't really hate walmart (I decided to start spelling it in all small letters, just in case they do run random surveillance on self-proclaimed walmart haters!) One time I was checking out at walmart, and I asked the cashier if she ever felt like she was working in a coal mine. (Prices goin' down, down.) Kind of a dual meaning here, though, because what I meant was... She works there, can cash her check there, and buy everything she needs to take care of a family there. Like a company store. It's history, folks... I was going to say read a book, but in today's society I think it would more appropriate to just tell you to Google it. (That and if you were to tell me to read a book, I would call you a blasphemer!) Maybe, if I would have explained it like that to the cashier, she wouldn't have looked so pissed as I left (totally straight-faced, I might add). Wow, I am really putting way too much thought into walmart. It doesn't even deserve all this time I'm giving it. What the hell?
I just deleted an entire paragraph about the size of the one above ^^^^ because it was crap. Yes, private audience, rest assured, you get nothing but the best material here. Go ahead, tell your friends.
Flash Fact: The odds of becoming a lightning victim in the U.S. in any one year is 1 in 700,000. The odds of being struck in your lifetime is 1 in 3,000.
Stay tuned...
I have a strange dislike for androgynous looking people. Or androgynous sounding people. Whether it's a cashier at Wal*Mart or a telemarketer on the phone, I have this innate desire to know the gender of the person with whom I am speaking. You know what it's like, when you see one of them from a distance or just catch a quick glance, and you're like, "Was that a... or a....??? Hmmm..." It's bad enough when you can't tell from a distance, but when they are right in front of you and you're still confused??? What the hell people? Either wear some make-up or don't... gender appropriately, please.
On a tangent... where the hell else did I think a telemarketer would be? Or a cashier for that matter... Isn't Wal*Mart pretty much the only store left anymore... Oh, no, my bad... Wal*Mart doesn't have cashiers anymore... they have those new, lazy-ass, check yourself out "attendants"... One person to 5 registers??? It might not be so bad if most of the people who use those self-checkout lanes had at least a brain cell to spare among them... It's not that hard people. Really. Just do what the little person in the screen tells you to do. I personally prefer the traditional lanes. What? Ring up my own items? Bitch, that's your job!
My keyboard just died! It's okay folks; I revived it. Maybe it didn't like what I had to say about Wal*Mart. What if walmart secretly controls the world? Interestingly enough, I just misspelled world as word. Now walmart is trying to take away my right to free speech by controlling my words! Those assholes! Just kidding, I don't really hate walmart (I decided to start spelling it in all small letters, just in case they do run random surveillance on self-proclaimed walmart haters!) One time I was checking out at walmart, and I asked the cashier if she ever felt like she was working in a coal mine. (Prices goin' down, down.) Kind of a dual meaning here, though, because what I meant was... She works there, can cash her check there, and buy everything she needs to take care of a family there. Like a company store. It's history, folks... I was going to say read a book, but in today's society I think it would more appropriate to just tell you to Google it. (That and if you were to tell me to read a book, I would call you a blasphemer!) Maybe, if I would have explained it like that to the cashier, she wouldn't have looked so pissed as I left (totally straight-faced, I might add). Wow, I am really putting way too much thought into walmart. It doesn't even deserve all this time I'm giving it. What the hell?
I just deleted an entire paragraph about the size of the one above ^^^^ because it was crap. Yes, private audience, rest assured, you get nothing but the best material here. Go ahead, tell your friends.
Flash Fact: The odds of becoming a lightning victim in the U.S. in any one year is 1 in 700,000. The odds of being struck in your lifetime is 1 in 3,000.
Stay tuned...
Thursday, May 17, 2012
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a... Scottish barmaid weed-whipping in a dress??
Yes, folks, it's true... I have some strange dreams. The one I am going to tell you about occurred after watching The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson from Scotland... hence the Scottish barmaid. Click here for a preview of Craig Ferguson in Scotland... it explains a lot! Anyway, the dream started out with a strange futuristic-looking plane crashing in my parents front lawn. To wrap the rest of it up quickly, I called the cops to come and apprehend the pilot of said future-plane, but they wouldn't respond. The dream cut quickly to a Scottish pub where I found myself dressed in what I must have assumed to be the logical local garb: an outfit one would see a lady wearing at a renaissance fair... Don't ask... This is my subconscious mind, okay?! Anyway some local Scottish assholes wouldn't pay their tab, so I kicked them out and woke up in the back seat of what must have been a Ford Fiesta by the size of it. Turns out I had escaped from rehab*, and it was all just a dream! It ended with me wearing said renaissance outfit weed-whipping my lawn...
*I have never actually been in rehab...
I'm drawing a blank. I think I peaked too early in this blog with that Craig Ferguson link. But seriously, who came up with that phrase? "Drawing a blank." How is that possible? If you draw something, wouldn't it stand to reason that the page would no longer be blank?
You know what's cooler than a vacation? A Stay-cation. Actually, it's not, but because of my insufficient funds at the moment, the last two weeks of my life have been spent at home, doing next to nothing. I did manage to stain my front deck, though... and my clothes, and my hands, and a small portion of the driveway... Oh and I got a sliver... in my foot... evil wood!
On a side note --------------------------------------------------------------> I am going skydiving in August!
So, that should be pretty cool. It will be my first time jumping out of a plane, by choice. Just kidding, folks. So what do you suppose was the first thing I did after deciding to go skydiving? I Youtube'd skydiving gone wrong! NOT A GOOD IDEA! This was probably one of the mildest videos, but this guy (or girl, can't tell) was obviously scared shitless! Alternately, this tandem dive was pretty reassuring.
Fun Fact: The Cuttlefish has three hearts and green blood. The blood is green because they use the protein hemocyanin, which has copper in it, rather than hemoglobin.
*I have never actually been in rehab...
I'm drawing a blank. I think I peaked too early in this blog with that Craig Ferguson link. But seriously, who came up with that phrase? "Drawing a blank." How is that possible? If you draw something, wouldn't it stand to reason that the page would no longer be blank?
You know what's cooler than a vacation? A Stay-cation. Actually, it's not, but because of my insufficient funds at the moment, the last two weeks of my life have been spent at home, doing next to nothing. I did manage to stain my front deck, though... and my clothes, and my hands, and a small portion of the driveway... Oh and I got a sliver... in my foot... evil wood!
On a side note --------------------------------------------------------------> I am going skydiving in August!
So, that should be pretty cool. It will be my first time jumping out of a plane, by choice. Just kidding, folks. So what do you suppose was the first thing I did after deciding to go skydiving? I Youtube'd skydiving gone wrong! NOT A GOOD IDEA! This was probably one of the mildest videos, but this guy (or girl, can't tell) was obviously scared shitless! Alternately, this tandem dive was pretty reassuring.
Fun Fact: The Cuttlefish has three hearts and green blood. The blood is green because they use the protein hemocyanin, which has copper in it, rather than hemoglobin.
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