Friday, May 18, 2012

If you can't say something nice... Repeat after me!

Question: Would it be terribly rude of me to say, "Hey you. I don't know your name, but (insert random information here)."? Is it really that imperative that I know your name before offering you a piece of information? Even if I took the time to ask you your name before telling you something, I probably wouldn't remember it for very long, so it would just be another annoying waste of my time. Because, let's face it, what I have to say is far more important than your name anyway. Just sayin'... 

I have a strange dislike for androgynous looking people. Or androgynous sounding people. Whether it's a cashier at Wal*Mart or a telemarketer on the phone, I have this innate desire to know the gender of the person with whom I am speaking. You know what it's like, when you see one of them from a distance or just catch a quick glance, and you're like, "Was that a... or a....??? Hmmm..." It's bad enough when you can't tell from a distance, but when they are right in front of you and you're still confused???  What the hell people? Either wear some make-up or don't... gender appropriately, please.

On a tangent... where the hell else did I think a telemarketer would be? Or a cashier for that matter... Isn't Wal*Mart pretty much the only store left anymore... Oh, no, my bad... Wal*Mart doesn't have cashiers anymore... they have those new, lazy-ass, check yourself out "attendants"... One person to 5 registers??? It might not be so bad if most of the people who use those self-checkout lanes had at least a brain cell to spare among them... It's not that hard people. Really. Just do what the little person in the screen tells you to do. I personally prefer the traditional lanes. What? Ring up my own items? Bitch, that's your job!

My keyboard just died! It's okay folks; I revived it. Maybe it didn't like what I had to say about Wal*Mart. What if walmart secretly controls the world? Interestingly enough, I just misspelled world as word. Now walmart is trying to take away my right to free speech by controlling my words! Those assholes! Just kidding, I don't really hate walmart (I decided to start spelling it in all small letters, just in case they do run random surveillance on self-proclaimed walmart haters!) One time I was checking out at walmart, and I asked the cashier if she ever felt like she was working in a coal mine. (Prices goin' down, down.) Kind of a dual meaning here, though, because what I meant was... She works there, can cash her check there, and buy everything she needs to take care of a family there. Like a company store. It's history, folks... I was going to say read a book, but in today's society I think it would more appropriate to just tell you to Google it. (That and if you were to tell me to read a book, I would call you a blasphemer!) Maybe, if I would have explained it like that to the cashier, she wouldn't have looked so pissed as I left (totally straight-faced, I might add). Wow, I am really putting way too much thought into walmart. It doesn't even deserve all this time I'm giving it. What the hell?

I just deleted an entire paragraph about the size of the one above ^^^^ because it was crap. Yes, private audience, rest assured, you get nothing but the best material here. Go ahead, tell your friends.

Flash Fact: The odds of becoming a lightning victim in the U.S. in any one year is 1 in 700,000. The odds of being struck in your lifetime is 1 in 3,000.

Stay tuned...

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