I used to hate apathy, but now I don't care either way.

There is an epic battle between good and evil ensuing within me right now. I'm going to be brazenly honest: Life is sometimes just a piece of shit. I never wanted to become a cynic, but it's true. At the risk of sounding a bit misanthropic and morose, I maintain my position on the fact that people suck. And they continue to prove it to me every single day. Maybe it's not even the people around me; maybe it's just me. I don't know, but I do know that there is some kind of force, some unknown entity, who keeps reminding me of everything I have ever done wrong and all the times I have failed. He keeps telling me I'm just a piece of shit. Now, my friends at church would tell me this is Satan, the ultimate evil entity, and I prefer to agree with them because if this is simply my own voice pointing this shit out to me, then I would have to admit, I kind of hate myself. Which would be grossly moronic considering the infinite capacity of my awesomeness. Just sayin'.

*Disclaimer- this next passage will probably be offensive to many. Continue reading at your own discretion.

I don't believe that depression is a legitimate illness. Some may say, "Kendra! How can you say this? You are a nurse!" Well I say, "Shut up! Just because I have an education, doesn't mean that I don't know how to think for myself! Now BE GONE!" I don't know... that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, but moving on. I honestly believe that depression is just really really severe self-pity. I think people should really just learn how to ignore their problems and continue on with life. Seriously. You'd be surprised how many times your problems actually DO go away when you ignore them. Oh, you say you're unhappy? Join the fucking club, now get back to your station and shake those fries you minimum wage imbecile. Maybe you should've paid more attention in Economics! But I'm not saying it's just poor people who are douche-bags. Oh no, make no mistake, douchey-ness crosses all classes of society. Ah-hem... Real Housewives? More like Real Bitches with fake body parts. People just need to stop being so concerned about themselves. So you feel like you got a raw deal, huh? How about starting with some gratitude for the fact that you are even alive. Next start feeling grateful that you have a job, if you have one. If you don't have a job, be thankful for employment agencies, I don't know, just quit complaining about shit. I realize as I state this, I myself, am complaining. Ironic. Maybe it makes me feel better about myself to point out that other people suck worse than I do. YEP!

Man, writing is so cathartic. It's not that I even expect anyone to agree, or even read my material. It just feels good to put it out there. Now I remember why I kept a journal as a child. Ha ha... I kept a journal as a child... what a grammatical faux-pas... I am picturing myself bundling up my little baby journal and keeping it as my child! Wow, I really should have majored in English. But seriously, I am considering a career in freelance writing. Just because the hours would be great. Of course, if I ever had to meet a deadline, I would soon find myself unemployed. Here's the conundrum: I hate being supervised or being told what to do or when to do it, but I am not what most would consider a "self-starter." Oh yeah, heard that from my boss when I was 14. Boy, if he could only see me now! Actually he couldn't see me now. He had macular degeneration and went blind. Sad, really.. Wow. I am kind of dark. Which is also how I was described at one point in my life... by my high school guidance counselor. Actually his word was "Morbid."He found it rather disconcerting that I carried a journal shaped like a casket... What? The Nightmare Before Christmas was huge that year... Also my sister had just passed away. I know... what a coincidence.

I am beginning to think that some of what I was told as a "youngster" has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think I would have had a better chance of becoming productive, self motivated.... happy, if some of these things weren't said to me at such a young age. Or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe, as much as I try to distance myself from my own techno-generation, maybe I am just as much a product of it as any of my peers. Maybe I am just another member of the "Entitlement Era."

All that being said, I will close with, "Fuck it, clean it up tomorrow."

Stay tuned...