Thought Toilet

it really makes me question the reliability of a network news station when they quote popular tabloids like TMZ and the Enquirer as their main source of information on a given topic, actually it makes me question the relevance of a news station that reports on celebrities... really? we don't have more important things to hear about than the Tom-Kat divorce? If you're going to be a tabloid, call yourself a fucking tabloid, not the news. And when did the news go from simply reporting the facts to sharing everyone's opinion on the possible outcomes of a given event? I don't give a crap what you think this means for our nation, regardless of what kind of an expert you claim to be, seriously*.

*Unless you are Stephen Colbert. 

It's like that South Park episode that rips on the History channel. Click here for the South Park History Channel Thanksgiving Trailer. If you've seen it, then you know what I mean. It's just a satire about how the History channel has bogus shows like Ancient Aliens that really have absolutely nothing to do with history. I feel like news media conglomerates run stories that have absolutely nothing to do with relevant news. And yes, I did feel the need to connect the dots for you because I think a lot of people out there don't understand this concept. If they did, they would quit watching network news, and then those asshole posers who call themselves journalists would actually have to start doing their jobs the right way, which involves investigation, fact checking, and reporting said facts, rather than simply repeating what they heard on TM fucking Z!  GALL! (Spoken in true Napoleon Dynamite fashion.)

But enough of that tirade, I'm getting high blood pressure. This blog is actually out of order because I started it a while ago, then thought I lost it, but then I found it again and decided to finish it. Kinda like Liza Minelli's career! Wow. I just made myself seem way older than I actually am. Which is actually a nice change of pace, considering my usual immaturity.

I just read that last paragraph... haha! "This blog is out of order!" Wow. Kinda paints a picture. This blog is kind of like a toilet for my thoughts. And I got nothin'. Sorry, but that last visual of the thought toilet just did me in.

Stay tuned, Filter-heads!

Well I am a taurus, no wonder I'm such a bullshitter!

Holy shit, you guys! I just read my last blog... what a downer! Maybe I should refrain from writing when I'm pissed off. I mean, it is an interesting insight into my psyche, but it does not make for very enjoyable reading! And speaking of deadlines (as I did in my last post), I just missed another one. This one was for a job opportunity. AND I have just been notified that I have been placed on academic probation. WTF? I think it's time to quit my job, get out of the rat-race of modern society, and just become famous already. I mean it! I really should just stop pursuing nursing as a career altogether and put my talents to work. I just wrote two kick ass songs in the last 24 hours, so yeah, pretty sure I am the next big thing. Watch out, Katy Perry! You're not the only good girl gone mainstream! Booya!

Meanwhile... on planet Earth!... I have had shitloads of company over the last few days, and I have to say, I kinda like it! I mean seriously, what better way to keep your house clean than having 24 hour surveillance of it by outsiders?! Plus, I actually enjoy being hospitable to others. I know, weird, right? I never would have guessed that about myself. Also, over the last few days I have taken a vast interest in my own friends! Holy shit people, I think I am becoming a good person or something! And everything around me just seems to look... less shitty. Haha, I just had a thought... I wonder.... If I keep blogging over a period of time, if you guys could figure out what time of the month it is just by reading my material! haha! I think all women are bi-polar. I think we were just made that way. Am I making anyone uncomfortable yet?

A friend of mine recently told me that his girlfriend is psycho. He said she tried to explain to him the reason why she is the way she is. I say, if you have enough insight to figure out what it is that has messed you up, then it is time to stop using it as an excuse to continue to act like a crazy person. Just wanted to add a little pop psychology in there, for ya.

I also say, if you're a big person, you should wear big-people clothes; and if you're a little person, you should wear little-people clothes. That one just seems like a no-brainer to me, yet whenever I go out in public, I see people who get the equation wrong for some reason. You know what I mean, "There's not enough pants where there should be. More pants." Yes, audience, that is a Superbad reference! "Yeah, cuz the chicks go crazy for that male camel toe." "It's like a division sign." Haha, hilarious!

I am going to make this one short because I really don't have any more good material. Yes, people, you only get the best of me here, so don't start getting all obsessed over me, I'm really not this witty, intelligent, and hilarious all the time... WAIT, yes I AM! haha... But seriously, I care so much that I would rather just cut you off than to continue to lengthen this blog with fluff. "Fluff," is the directionless ramble of an entertainer with no material, and I swear, guys, I would never do that to you! I hate it when entertainers do that, because you feel like they are only giving you half their effort. And people who take time out of their days to support their favorite entertainers don't deserve to get fluffed on! Haha! I just fluffed on you! : ) Whatchya gon' do about it, chump? Nothin'. That's right. Wow. I am such a bullshitter. HILARIOUS! Spell check points out words like haha and no-brainer but does not highlight bullshitter! That just made my day! I think I will end on this classy high-note!

Take care, and stay tuned, kids!

I used to hate apathy, but now I don't care either way.

There is an epic battle between good and evil ensuing within me right now. I'm going to be brazenly honest: Life is sometimes just a piece of shit. I never wanted to become a cynic, but it's true. At the risk of sounding a bit misanthropic and morose, I maintain my position on the fact that people suck. And they continue to prove it to me every single day. Maybe it's not even the people around me; maybe it's just me. I don't know, but I do know that there is some kind of force, some unknown entity, who keeps reminding me of everything I have ever done wrong and all the times I have failed. He keeps telling me I'm just a piece of shit. Now, my friends at church would tell me this is Satan, the ultimate evil entity, and I prefer to agree with them because if this is simply my own voice pointing this shit out to me, then I would have to admit, I kind of hate myself. Which would be grossly moronic considering the infinite capacity of my awesomeness. Just sayin'.

*Disclaimer- this next passage will probably be offensive to many. Continue reading at your own discretion.

I don't believe that depression is a legitimate illness. Some may say, "Kendra! How can you say this? You are a nurse!" Well I say, "Shut up! Just because I have an education, doesn't mean that I don't know how to think for myself! Now BE GONE!" I don't know... that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, but moving on. I honestly believe that depression is just really really severe self-pity. I think people should really just learn how to ignore their problems and continue on with life. Seriously. You'd be surprised how many times your problems actually DO go away when you ignore them. Oh, you say you're unhappy? Join the fucking club, now get back to your station and shake those fries you minimum wage imbecile. Maybe you should've paid more attention in Economics! But I'm not saying it's just poor people who are douche-bags. Oh no, make no mistake, douchey-ness crosses all classes of society. Ah-hem... Real Housewives? More like Real Bitches with fake body parts. People just need to stop being so concerned about themselves. So you feel like you got a raw deal, huh? How about starting with some gratitude for the fact that you are even alive. Next start feeling grateful that you have a job, if you have one. If you don't have a job, be thankful for employment agencies, I don't know, just quit complaining about shit. I realize as I state this, I myself, am complaining. Ironic. Maybe it makes me feel better about myself to point out that other people suck worse than I do. YEP!

Man, writing is so cathartic. It's not that I even expect anyone to agree, or even read my material. It just feels good to put it out there. Now I remember why I kept a journal as a child. Ha ha... I kept a journal as a child... what a grammatical faux-pas... I am picturing myself bundling up my little baby journal and keeping it as my child! Wow, I really should have majored in English. But seriously, I am considering a career in freelance writing. Just because the hours would be great. Of course, if I ever had to meet a deadline, I would soon find myself unemployed. Here's the conundrum: I hate being supervised or being told what to do or when to do it, but I am not what most would consider a "self-starter." Oh yeah, heard that from my boss when I was 14. Boy, if he could only see me now! Actually he couldn't see me now. He had macular degeneration and went blind. Sad, really.. Wow. I am kind of dark. Which is also how I was described at one point in my life... by my high school guidance counselor. Actually his word was "Morbid."He found it rather disconcerting that I carried a journal shaped like a casket... What? The Nightmare Before Christmas was huge that year... Also my sister had just passed away. I know... what a coincidence.

I am beginning to think that some of what I was told as a "youngster" has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think I would have had a better chance of becoming productive, self motivated.... happy, if some of these things weren't said to me at such a young age. Or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe, as much as I try to distance myself from my own techno-generation, maybe I am just as much a product of it as any of my peers. Maybe I am just another member of the "Entitlement Era."

All that being said, I will close with, "Fuck it, clean it up tomorrow."

Stay tuned...